


With A Heavy Heart

by kelseycurtis



Series: Canon Cora/Kylo [2]
Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Begging, Biting, Blood, Body Horror, Canon-Typical Violence, Eventual Smut, F/M, Feels, Fluff, Heavy Angst, Kylo Ren Angst, Kylo Ren Has Issues, Kylo Ren Needs a Hug, Kylo Ren is Not Nice, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, POV Kylo Ren, Pregnancy, Scratching, Sex, Smut, Touch-Starved, Touch-Starved Kylo Ren, Unhappy Ending, Vaginal Sex, Violence
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-06
Updated: 2020-03-28
Packaged: 2020-11-26 02:15:53
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 14
Words: 23,319
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20922503
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kelseycurtis/pseuds/kelseycurtis
Summary: The long awaited sequel to A Call to the Light. Cora and Ben's relationship is non existent after Ben murdered his father but with Cora being pregnant, Bens trying his hardest to make things work. It's not as easy as he would have liked.Hope you all enjoy :D Please leave comments, kudos and bookmarks if you like it.





	1. Chapter 1

Chapter 1

Kylo’s P.O.V

Another day of silence from Cora. We’d barely spoken since I’d unburdened myself from one parent. And that had been four months ago. Some days we didn’t even see each other due to how busy The Supreme Leader kept me. Her belly had begun to swell noticeably, we wouldn’t be able to hide her pregnancy for much longer. If she was still suffering from discomfort or morning sickness, I had no idea, she kept it all so secretive. I wanted to be there for her, I wanted to help but I couldn’t force her to accept my help. I wanted us to be happy again, for us to look forward to starting a family. Even if the thought of being a father terrified me. 

I was finally freed of my duties for the day and returned to our room. Cora was preparing for bed, her nightgown stretching awkwardly over her stomach. It was obvious it was starting to get too small now. She didnt even spare me a glance as she folded her clothes neatly by the foot of the bed. I offered her my hand to help her up, but she ignored it, using the bed to stand herself up. I sighed, her stubbornness was growing more frustrating. She manoeuvred past me to the bathroom so she could clean her teeth. I followed after her like a lost puppy, craving communication and affection from her.  
“Cora would you please talk to me,” I snapped.  
She spat the toothpaste out before standing back up straight, she glanced at me in the mirror. 

Cora turned in my direction but again side stepped past me without a word. This time I wasn’t going to accept her silence. I grabbed her wrist, stopping her from leaving the room. She froze, her free hand instinctively going to her swollen belly as if to protect our child. I swallowed hard, it hurt to know she feared I’d hurt her or our unborn child. I wanted to let her go so she wouldn’t fear me, but I wanted her to communicate with me more.  
“Please,” I pleaded.  
I loosened my grip on her wrist a little, she could slip free easily if she wanted. My hand around her wrist was the most contact we’d had in months. And yet it felt…violent. I felt guilty being so rough with her. Perhaps I really did break everything I touched. Finally she turned to me, but I noticed how she couldn’t quite look me in the eye. She pulled her wrist free from my grip. 

“What do you want to talk about?” She asked, her tone filled with sarcasm.  
I didn’t think I’d get this far and now I had no idea what to say. She stood there, getting more irritated at every second that passed. I had to think of something fast before I lost my only chance.  
“Are you okay? You and the baby?” I asked.  
Her irritation faded but she was still tense and on edge, still defensive.  
“We’re fine,” she answered.  
I could tell from her body language that she was done. She was going to drop the conversation there and go to bed. I had to keep this going.  
“Your sure? There's nothing I can help with?” I asked.  
“Oh you’ve done enough,” Cora spat. 

I sighed, now it was my turn to want to walk away. I knew exactly what she meant by that. Killing my father hadn't been easy but it’s not like I could take it back now. I took a step to head out of the bathroom, but Cora put her hand out to block my path.  
“You wanted to talk, why are you trying to walk away?” Cora asked.  
I took a step away from her, trying to keep calm. I didn’t want to argue with her, it wouldn’t be good for the baby. I wanted to keep her as stress free as possible.  
“You don’t want to talk about how you murdered your own father, our child's only grandfather,” she snapped.  
“No, I don’t. I wanted to talk about you and the baby,” I explained calmly.  
“This is a conversation we need to have whether you like it or not.” 

I shook my head, “no, not right now. We can talk about it later when your less...at risk.”  
“At risk? Of what? Losing the baby from stress. You’ve done a great job at keeping me stress free so far. The father of my child murdered his own father, he also nearly got himself killed in the process. He's also trapped me here on enemy territory where everyone here wants to see me and my child dead, including your dear supreme leader.”  
“You’re not trapped here,” I insisted.  
“I’m not? So you'd let me go if I asked you too?”  
I stayed silent, she knew the answer to that, and I hated that she was right about this. Cora smirked and crossed her arms over her chest as she realised this.

“So you’d take my child away from me, halfway across the galaxy away from its father where you could turn them against me?” I asked.  
“You’d do that yourself.”  
“What’s that meant to mean?”  
“That eventually it would see you how everyone else sees you, how I now see you. A monster.”  
I felt a wave of conflicting emotions from her words. I needed to leave before I did or said something I would regret later. Cora’s eyes had filled with tears at this point as if this were hard for her.  
“So what? Your saying you don’t love me anymore?” I asked, afraid of her answer.  
“There’s nothing left of Ben Solo to love. I never should have come back for you.”

I pinned her against the bathroom wall, my hands against her shoulders. She whimpered, her hands going to her swollen belly once more to protect the child inside. My anger had gotten the best of me once more, I could see the fear in Cora's eyes, and I hated myself for it. But it was too late to take it back. I let go of her, taking a few steps back to put some distance between us. Cora remained where she was, afraid anything she might do or say could set me off. Tears rolled down her cheeks, but she made no sound to voice her anguish.  
“I'm...I'm sorry,” I murmured

I reached out, trying to take her hand in mine, to plead with her to take it back but she stepped out of reach. She retreated into the bedroom, signalling the end of the conversation. I swallowed hard, there was nothing I could say or do to make this situation better. I knew I should admit defeat now before I hurt myself more. Could she not sense how the action of killing my father had broken me even more? I regretted it, I couldn’t stop thinking about it. I should have left with him, left everything behind so that I could be happy. Cora and I would have been happy together, happy to start a family together. 

If I could take it all back I could. But it was too late for that. perhaps it was too late for Cora and I as well. Perhaps she was right. I exited the bathroom, glancing at her as I headed for the door. She was in bed, turning off the lights. I left our room, giving her the space she likely wanted. I’d sleep somewhere else for the time being. I needed to stop my rage getting the better of me, I didn't want things to become worse.


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2 

Cora’s P.O.V

I put my book down as there was a soft knock at the door. I prepared myself, for the intruder. My hand rested on my belly, rubbing over it as if to cam my nerves. Or hers. I’d had the gender scan last week and the baby was a girl. Ben hadn't been there with me, he hadn't even known it happened. I hadn't told him yet. I wanted to but every time I saw him I was reminded of how much I had grown to loathe him. And after last night I didn’t want him anywhere near me. I should have seen it coming. After murdering his father, nobody was off limits. For all I could know it could be me next. Or perhaps his mother. I was afraid of him. Afraid of what he was becoming. The door opened and Ben stepped inside with a slight hesitancy. He looked like he had to tell me something bad and I prepared myself for the worst. 

“The Supreme Leader wants to see you,” he spoke.   
Fear pooled in my stomach, both hands now resting on my belly in a protective manner. What could he possibly need with me? I should have seen this coming, there was no way I’d be able to live on his ship without coming face to face with him at least once. Even now I was still so stupid and naïve.   
“Why?” I asked.  
“He wants to meet you in person, properly this time. I promise he has no ill intent towards you. You’ll be safe.”  
Bens reassurance meant nothing to me what with his actions last night. I didn’t feel safe around either of them, Snoke more so because who knew how he felt towards me. But I had no other choice but to go. 

I forced myself from the comfort of the bed and made sure I looked somewhat presentable. I glanced at myself in the mirror, there wasn’t much I could do now to hide my belly. I needed bigger clothes but hadn't had the chance to get some. I hadn't had the chance to even get things for our child. Most parents would have all the essentials by now. I really was useless. I followed Ben out of the room and through the ship. We came to a set of double doors, which slid open to reveal a throne room. Snoke was sat on said throne, awaiting our arrival. I swallowed my fear and headed inside, just play along and everything would be okay. Ben followed me, both of us kneeling when we reached a suitable distance. Snoke tutted raising my panic levels more. Was I already in trouble?

“Kylo I’m disappointed. You should have told me. Cora shouldn’t be kneeling in her state. Go find her a chair,” Snoke scolded.  
Ben was quick to his feet, not wanting to disappoint him anymore. Ben gave me his hand helping me to my feet before going off into another room to get me a chair. I was left alone in the room with Snoke for a grand total of 30 seconds or perhaps a little more, but it was the most uncomfortable few seconds of my life. Ben returned with a chair that had clearly been taken from a meeting room.   
“Bring it here, sit it close to mine,” Snoke ordered.  
Ben did as he was told, glancing at me to make sure I was okay. I was far from it. I didn’t want to be anywhere near that man. I forced myself forward and sat down in the chair provided. 

Ben stood close by, but this did nothing to calm me. Snoke offered a crooked smile and I forced myself to return the gesture, managing only a soft smile.   
“Kylo didn’t think to tell me you were pregnant. You two must be so happy,” Snoke spoke.  
Ben placed a hand on my shoulder as if to keep up the appearance that we were the perfect happy couple. It more felt like he was planting me further into the seat and into this uncomfortable situation.   
“We are,” he answered for me.   
“And how far along are you?” Snoke asked.  
“20 weeks, not far off five months,” I answered.

“So you must know if it’s a boy or a girl by now?  
I glanced at Ben, I guess now I had to tell him. We had too keep the appearance of a happy couple in front of Snoke.   
“Uhm...Well I've been trying to find the time to tell him, but he's been so busy lately,” I took Ben's hand in mine to make it look like we were happy, “we're having a girl.”  
Ben’s face lit up, he didn’t look as exhausted in those few moments. He looked the happiest I'd seen him in a long time. I knew I also should have been happy but considering the circumstances I felt the opposite. Ben leaned down and kissed my temple, I forced myself to lean into his affection. 

“I've been so selfish to keep Kylo away from you at such an important time. Please accept my apologies,” Snoke almost sounded sincere.  
“It’s alright. I understand that he plays a big role for The First Order.”  
“This is still just as important. I'll make sure he finds the time to be with you more and the child more.”  
“Thank you, Supreme Leader, that’s very kind of you.”  
Who knew I could be such a talented liar? But for the survival of my daughter I'd do anything. 

Snoke turned to Ben, “leave us. There are things I wish to discuss with Cora in private.”  
I felt nausea at his words. I placed my hands over my stomach, rubbing it gently. Ben seemed hesitant to leave me and for once I wanted him to stay. Ben squeezed my hand for reassurance before exiting the throne room. I turned my attention back to Snoke, if he even so much as laid a finger on me or my child, I would not hesitate to defend myself. Regardless of the trouble it could get Ben or myself in.   
“I wanted to discuss alliances with you Cora,” Snoke explained.  
“The resistance means nothing to me anymore,” I replied, “my alliance is with you and The First Order.”

Snoke smiled, seemingly satisfied with my answer, “I feel something new within you. Something dark. Have you felt it?”  
Of course he would be able to sense my fear and my rage. I felt like I should now be preparing for a ‘join the dark side' speech.   
“I've felt conflicted. Ever since Kylo...murdered his father,” I answered honestly.  
No matter what he said or what he offered, I would not allow myself to be seduced.  
“Do you understand why he did it?” Snoke asked.  
“He hasn't exactly wanted to have that conversation with me.”  
“He's better off without those emotional attachments from his past. Look how it’s benefited you. Without the emotional tie of your parents you've become such a strong, valuable asset.”

I blinked at him. I'd never thought about it like that. If my parents had been present would I have taken the Jedi path? Would they have been kind, loving and supportive or afraid of their daughter’s connection with a power more ancient than anything that had previously existed? Would I have ever of met my best friend and soulmate? Perhaps Snoke was right, perhaps it was better I didn’t have that emotional attachment. Ben and Han had never seen eye to eye, Han had been disappointed with Ben’s connection to the force. But had he deserved to die for it? Doubt was a dangerous thing but Snoke had managed to plant that seed in my brain and I couldn’t stop thinking about the what if’s. Snoke could see my doubt and took my hand in his, forcing me to look at him. His skin was so cold and everything about his skin texture felt wrong. 

“We’re lucky to have you Cora, I’m so glad your finally seeing things our way,” Snoke smiled.  
I forced a smile back, doing my best not to look like a deer in the headlights. He let go of my hand and I did my best not to snatch it back to my side. He dismissed me and I bowed my head out of respect and perhaps fear. I hastily exited the room, finding Ben waiting for me outside. I finally released a breath I didn’t notice I’d been holding. Ben kept his distance, but I knew he wanted to make a fuss over me.   
“Are you alright? What did he say to you?” Ben asked.  
“I’m okay. I just want to go back to my room.”  
Ben nodded, knowing we should probably discuss things back in the safety of our room. We headed back, Ben closing the door behind me. He looked at me expectantly, waiting for me to update him. 

This morning I didn’t want to talk to Ben, but he was the only person here that I could confide in, I had no other choice.   
“He asked me about my alliance, whose side I was on. I told him what he wanted to hear,” I explained.  
“If he finds out your lying-“  
“I know. But if it keeps our child safe then I’ll keep lying.”  
“He wouldn’t hurt her.”  
“No. But he’d groom her. Like he groomed you. Would you want that for our daughter? Don’t you want her to have the freedom to choose her own path?”  
“He won’t have anything to do with her. I’ve decided that she’s off limits to Snoke.”

This caught me off guard. I felt some of that rage I had towards him disperse. Perhaps I had been wrong about the things I said last night. But it would be too late to take them back now. Ben came over to me, taking my hands in his.  
“I don’t want her anywhere near him, I want both of you to feel safe. And I’m so sorry I haven’t been better at showing that lately,” Ben spoke.  
I didn’t know what to say. I couldn’t let all be forgiven because of this, but it was a start. A good start. Ben’s gloved hand hesitantly cupped my cheek and for the first time in months I looked him in the eye. He looked so tired, so run down. Maybe killing Han hadn't benefited him like Snoke thought it would.   
“You should sleep,” I spoke.   
“Here?”   
“This is technically your room.”

Ben considered it for a moment, “I can’t, I have things that need to be done.”  
“You want to start making up for things, then you need to do things for me. And I want you to rest.”  
Another pause from him as he thought it over, “okay.”  
Ben kicked his boots off before climbing into bed fully clothed. I sat on my side of the bed, glancing over at him to make sure he had his eyes shut. He did but he didn’t seem fully relaxed just yet. I reached over and began stroking his hair, watching as the tension released from his neck and shoulders. He sighed, now visibly more comfortable. It didn’t take him long to fall asleep after that. I continued to stroke his hair, perhaps Ben was still in there after all.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sorry its so short

Chapter 3

Ben’s P.O.V

I'd gone ahead and ordered a crib to surprise Cora. We needed to start preparing for the babies arrival. I imagined most parents ordered the crib first. The crib lay in a box in front of me, now needing assembling. I opened the box and laid out all the pieces in front of me. This shouldn't be too difficult. I read through the instructions and began to assemble the pieces. After an hour it was finally together. It looked good, although a little out of place. It was the only piece of furniture in the room to have some colour. The crib was white, which didn’t entirely fit the grayscale theme of the room. I set up the mobile which was planet themed before stepping back to admire my handiwork. Hopefully Cora would like it. 

I knew there was still a lot of things we needed to get for the baby, but this was a start. This could also be a good start to making things right with Cora. I wasn’t entirely sure where she was today actually. Normally she’d remain here in our room, but this was the first time she ventured out. I didn’t like the fact she’d gone out alone either. Or perhaps I was being paranoid. She had no way off this ship, she wouldn’t get far if she ran either. Nor was she stupid to do either. The door slid open, Cora entering our room casually. She spotted the crib and smiled softly.   
“Did you put that together?” She asked.  
I nodded. She went over to it to get a better look at it, one hand on her belly.   
“Do you like it?” I asked.  
“It's perfect. Thank you.”

She glanced at me, her smile fading. She was reading me, reading my expression and my thoughts and feelings.  
“But it still doesn’t mean I can forgive you for what you did,” Cora mumbled.  
I felt that small bubble of happiness deflate in an instant.   
“And you think I can forgive myself?” I asked.  
Cora turned her full attention to me, looking at me as if she expected to me continue and elaborate. I would so long as this didn’t turn into another argument.   
“You think that I’m not just as horrified by my actions as you are? I thought that if I sever some part of my past it might make things easier, I was wrong. I hate myself for what I did but I can’t take it back,” I explained.  
“You murdered your father Ben. I know Han wasn’t father of the year and I know you had your differences, but he didn’t deserve that.”

I swallowed hard, blinking back tears. I would not allow myself to cry, I couldn’t let her see me be so weak.   
“He wasn't afraid of me even when...” I trailed off, trying to compose myself but it was useless, “he wanted me to come home. I wanted to go with him, but I can’t. I can’t ever go home.”  
“You underestimate how forgiving your mother can be.”  
That was only a fraction of what I was afraid of. I would never be free from Snoke and some days I didn’t want to be. He believed in me when my parents hadn't, he'd seen my potential. But so had Cora. 

“I'd be sentenced to death if I went home, you know that Cora,” I spoke.  
She remained silent, she knew I was right she just didn’t want to admit it. Either I run from Snoke and eventually he catches up with me and kills me or I go home and get sentenced to death. No matter how good my mother was at getting her way she wouldn’t be able to convince a jury to let me live. Not after all the things I'd done. I couldn’t see a future for myself that gave me complete freedom from either. I had to make the best possible future here and now with Cora and my daughter. Cora sighed, sitting down on the foot of the bed.   
“And yet if I remain here with you on this path, I’ll be constantly looking over my shoulder. Perhaps we weren’t meant to be,” she sighed.  
“No. no, please don’t think like that,” I practically threw myself at her feet, taking her hands in mine as if to keep her from leaving, “I need you here, both of you. I understand how hard it is for you to be here, but you made that choice, you knew it would be difficult and that you could die but you still came here for me.”

“I didn’t think it would come with so much pain,” there were tears in her eyes now, her voice cracking as she spoke.   
I cupped her cheek, wiping away a tear, “I’m sorry, I never meant for any of this. I never meant to hurt you, ever.”  
“I just wanted my Ben back, I just wanted you to come home. I knew I was chasing after something so impossible, but I didn’t care.”  
“We have to make our own home.”  
“I want too but I can’t, not here, not with Snoke here. And I know asking you to come home will get us nowhere.”  
“Then we’ll compromise. The First Order are searching for new planets that will have us. They can build you a home, a place you will feel safe.”  
“What about you? You’ll be away for so long, you’d miss out on so much, first steps, first words.”

“I didn’t think you’d want me around.”  
“You’re her father Ben. Yes, I’m so mad at you at the moment, what you’ve done is something unforgivable, but its not the first time. And I managed to push past the first time. These feelings will pass, I don’t know when, but I know they will pass.”  
I wanted to kiss her, but I also didn’t want to push my luck. Instead I nodded to show that I understood her words.  
“I don’t know what I did to deserve you,” I spoke.  
“Neither do I,” she said, a hint of a smirk playing at the corners of her lips. 

She took my hand and placed it over her belly. I half expected to feel a kick from the baby.  
“You won’t be able to feel her kick for another two weeks,” Cora explained.  
“But you can feel it?”  
“I can feel her moving around, its like little flutters in my stomach. I’ve been trying to think of names when I have nothing to do but nothing seems right.”  
I paused, remembering the dream I’d had when Cora had been away. We’d had a daughter together, Kendra.   
“How does Kendra sound? Just off the top of my head,” I lied.  
“Kendra,” she paused, thinking about it. Cora smiled softly, “Kendra sounds good.”


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Varidun is my other halfs OC, thank you to him for letting me use Varidun.

Chapter 4

Cora’s P.O.V

Ben seemed slightly in a better mood today as he left our room to go about his daily duties. I waited about ten minutes after he left before leaving the room myself. I couldn’t let him find out about my visits to Varidun. Varidun had been another mentor to me as a child, along with Luke at the temple. Luke had taken him in after the fall of the empire, seeing the good in him. Whilst the other padawans had been scared of an ex inquisitor I had been the first to strike up a friendship with him. After the fall of Starkiller Base Luke had contacted me through the force and told me to find Varidun. He hadn't given any other instructions but he didn’t need to. Varidun needed me to keep him from falling to the dark side once again. I’d lost Ben, I was not about to lose another friend. I’d been seeing him for a week now and it was still a lot to take in. 

I made my way to the medical room he was being kept in, although it was more like a torture chamber. I opened the door, one hand on my belly as the pain and anguish ran through me. The force allowed me to feel his agony for small moments. The first time I thought the pain would kill me. He didn’t deserve this pain but there was nothing I could to lessen it for him. I hated feeling so useless. I needed to help him and yet I couldn’t. I wrapped my shawl around me tighter as the coldness of the room hit me. I headed inside and took my usual seat next to his beside. The room was dark and filled with medical equipment, the only light being on Varidun. He lay, strapped down to a medical table, unable to move. He was barely coherent most days. Various tubes were coming out his arms, legs and chest, filling him with various drugs and suppressants to keep him docile. They knew if they didn’t, he would be able to escape easily. I kept thinking perhaps I could turn the dosage down a little each day but I’m sure someone would soon notice. 

Varidun looked over at me with his one working silver eye. They’d taken out his cybernetics, making him look even more monstrous. But I knew he was more of a gentle giant. The hole where his left eye should have been was dark red and angry looking, the scar tissue blooming across his cheek. His left arm was also missing from the shoulder downwards. His grey hair was now long, dirty and unkempt. He was getting old now, bordering on 67 years yet he had still managed to keep a good physique. I forced a smile, wanting to take his hand to offer him comfort and reassurance. But then I would only feel his pain once more.   
“Ben put up the crib yesterday as a good will gesture. I want to stay mad at him, but I know eventually I’ll be stupid enough to forgive him. I always am,” I spoke.   
Varidun remained silent, yet I knew he was listening. He always listened, what else was there for him to do. I just wish sometimes he could respond, give me the answers I needed. 

_Luke had introduced all of us to a new member of the Jedi order. The padawans had taken one look at him and exchanged shocked gasps and fearful glances. Varidun was tall, taller than Luke meaning he was a giant to us. And then there was his cybernetics and scars, that’s probably what put most of the children off. That and we knew he was an ex inquisitor, a Jedi killer. But if master Luke trusted him and saw good in him then so should I. Varidun sighed at the reactions of the others, seemingly having expected but still disappointed. Luke placed a hand on Varidun’s shoulder and offered him a kind smile._   
_“They’ll come around,” Luke reassured._

_Later back in our bunks we were all discussing Varidun’s arrival. Most of the padawans had a negative view, wanting to keep their distance from him. One of the boys stood up, drawing his saber._  
_“If he tries anything, I’ll end him swiftly,” he said, showing off._  
_“Put that down, you’ll take your own arm off,” Ben scolded, “you should have faith in my uncle. It's not like he’s going to let anybody in here to teach us, he must see some good in Varidun.”_  
_“That’s right Ben, I’m glad you’re as open minded,” came his aunts voice._   
_We turned to find Mara Jade stood in the doorway, cradling her and Lukes child. Rey was only one years old, but we all treated her like she was one of us. She would be eventually. Ben adored his little cousin, using most of his free time to play with her and care for her. She would be walking soon thanks to Ben._

_“He was alone when Luke found him, he’d isolated himself from everyone and had turned his back on the force. We need to show him the good there is in him, the goodness in the force,” Mara Jade continued._   
_Some of the padawans were feeling guilty, unable to look at her. Others mumbled apologies. Mara Jade let Ben say goodnight to Rey before she made us all get into our bunks. She then used the force to extinguish the candles before turning and leaving. I tossed and turned for a while, unable to sleep. I couldn’t stop thinking about what Mara Jade had said. Varidun had been alone, like me. And then Luke had found both of us and given us hope. We were more alike than most would think. I crept out of bed and out of the room. I ventured to the temple entrance, finding Varidun sat alone outside. He might be meditating, and I knew how annoying it was to be interrupted but I still wanted to offer a kind gesture. _

_“You should be in bed Cora,” came Luke’s voice. _   
_I felt my stomach drop, having been caught. It was no secret that I was a goody two shoes, never doing anything wrong in the eyes of my master. I didn’t want him to be disappointed in me for being outside after dark. _   
_“I’m sorry master, I just couldn’t sleep,” I explained._   
_“What's on your mind?”_   
_I turned to face him, registering that he was more curious than disappointed, that put me at ease somewhat. _   
_“I just wanted to make Varidun feel welcome here, make him feel less alone,” I explained._   
_“I see. That’s very kind of you.”_   
_He motioned with his head to go over to Varidun. I found a daisy growing amongst the grass and picked it. _

_I continued to approach the tall man before me, stopping a few steps away. I cleared my throat to get his attention._   
_“Excuse me, Varidun,” I spoke._   
_Varidun seemed surprised as he turned to face me. He remained on his knees, so he wasn’t towering over me. _   
_“Yes, little one?” He answered._   
_I held out the daisy to him, smiling kindly. He glanced between me and the daisy, unsure of the gesture. It was obvious nobody had been kind to him for a while. Varidun took the small white flower from me with a hint of smile on his lips._   
_“Thank you,” he spoke, he still seemed unsure. _   
_“Nobody deserves to be alone,” I gave my explanation. _   
_Varidun seemed to want to say something to counteract that but instead he decided against it. I turned, heading back to the Jedi temple, knowing better than to push my luck and stay out any longer. _

I glanced at the clock, I couldn’t stay much longer. Ben insisted we spend lunch together now, so he was with me and the baby. So we could start rebuilding what we once had. Probably because he didn’t trust me either and wanted to keep an eye on me. I promised Varidun I would be back tomorrow and left the room. I headed to Ben’s quarters, opening the door only to already find him waiting for me inside. Shit. Snoke had let him go early and now I’d been caught. Unless I could think of a believable excuse quick.   
“Where were you?” Ben asked, “don’t lie either.”  
I swallowed, avoiding his gaze. Even if I did lie, he’d be able to go in my head and find the truth. I was fucked either way.   
“When were you going to tell me you were keeping Varidun here?” I asked.  
“You shouldn’t be going anywhere near him.”  
I sighed, looks like another argument was coming our way. This was starting to become exhausting. 

“I don’t want to argue Ben-“ I started.  
“You should have thought about that before lying to me! Before having your little secret meetings with him,” he snapped.  
I took a deep breath to calm myself. Nothing he could say or do would stop me from seeing Varidun. I thought Ben would understand the loneliness, obviously I was wrong. I needed someone to talk to throughout the day, Varidun was that person.   
“You’re never seeing him again. I can’t trust you around him,” Ben insisted.  
“Don’t you think I would have done something by now if that were the case?”  
“Whose to say you won’t?”  
“You really think your in any position to lecture me about trust?”  
“That’s not fair.”  
“Neither’s me spending every waking hour in this room with only you to talk too. I might as well be taken down to the holding cells at this rate.”

“Keep this up and I’ll have no choice but to put you there.”  
“Oh because your precious Supreme Leader ordered you to do so?” I stepped closer, getting in his face, “You wanted power and freedom? You would have had it more as a Jedi. Here you’re just a lapdog.”  
Ben glared at me, his jaw clenching. I braced myself for an assault, not backing down in fear. If he wanted to hit me then he could go ahead and suffer the consequences. He took a step back, instead taking his frustration out on the wall, putting a dent in it.   
“You don’t know what the fuck your talking about!” He spat.  
“Don’t I? You know I think that Snokes afraid of Varidun, why else would he have him strapped up like a lab rat? He’d just need his dosage lowered and he’d wreak havoc on this place. Not even you would stand a chance against him.”  
“Oh so you’d want him to return to his murderous ways all for freedom? He’s valuable to us just as he was to my grandfather.”  
“He’s wiser than that now. if he’d wanted to join you then he already would have.”

“You know he was there the night the temple fell, he tried to escape with some padawans, he got them killed instead.”  
“No Ben, that was all you. You are the fucking reason we are in this damn mess, you’re the reason are friends are dead! Owning your mistakes is the only way to grow from them, instead you just run from them like a coward. Snoke didn’t want you because you were powerful, he wanted you because you were a frightened weak little boy that he could easily manipulate and control.”  
I could feel his rage radiating off his in waves, this time he was definitely going to hit me. I didn’t regret what I had said but I was still afraid of the consequences. There was a moment of silence between us. Ben sidestepped me, storming out of the room. I breathed a sigh of relief as the door closed behind him. I rubbed my stomach to comfort myself and my baby. The flutters had gotten pretty intense, she must have felt everything then. I knew though that Ben wouldn’t be back for a while.


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter 5

Kylo’s P.O.V

Cora was ranting again, everything was my fault as usual. This was becoming exhausting. I just wish she’d stop, I wished for silence. But she just wanted to keep pushing me and pushing me. My fists and jaw were clenched as she continued.   
“I never should have come here for you. I should have left you here,” she snapped.  
“Then why don’t you?” I finally responded.  
Cora seemed surprised but didn’t back down. This time I wouldn't let her get another word in.  
“I never wanted you to come here in the first place. I was doing fine without you but you had to come here and ruin everything that I have worked so hard for. You just couldn’t keep your nose out, like my damn mother,” I continued.

I pinned her against the wall, my hand around her throat. She made a small sound and attempted to pry my hands from her.   
“You only have yourself to blame for all this, all this pain and hurt is because of you not knowing when to stop and leave something be,” I growled.  
“B-Ben,” she wheezed.  
I couldn’t stop myself, I just needed her to stop. I hadn’t felt a rage like this since the night I destroyed Skywalkers temple. I felt completely consumed by it, unable to form a coherent thought other than her silence. Her nails scrapped uselessly against the leather of my gloves. Her grip began to weaken as she struggled for air. I pressed harder, forcing what little air she had left from her. She eventually grew limp in my hold, her eyes devoid of any life. 

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I awoke with a start, covered in cold sweat. I was breathing heavily and struggling to keep calm. It was going to be yet another sleepless night. It had been a week that I'd slept in a different room, a different bed. A week since I’d started having nightmares about killing Cora. It was never the same way either. I was becoming afraid of myself, afraid of what I was capable of. I wouldn’t think I'd ever even dream about doing something like that too her but here I was, unable to sleep for fear of more nightmares. I was exhausted, unable to sleep and yet training had increased. Perhaps I should speak with Snoke, hopefully he would give me answers. Cora and I hadn’t spoken or seen each other since the argument. I had no idea how her or the baby were doing. I felt a pang of guilt, I should be there for her. This should be the most easiest and calmest time for her. But yet again I'd fucked it up, like I fucked everything up. 

As morning came I showered to try and wake myself up before changing into clean clothes. I glanced at myself in the mirror, I looked how I felt. I sighed and rubbed my eyes before heading out. I entered the throne room and kneeled out of respect. Snoke studied me, I could tell he was probably in my mind, reading my thoughts.   
“Something troubles you,” he announced.  
There was a small seed of doubt whether or not confiding in Snoke was the right thing to do. I had nobody else to turn too, to get guidance from. He’d been there for me as a child and he always would be. I had to tell him, I had to be honest with him.   
“Things have been…difficult between Cora and I lately. All we seem to do is argue. Neither of us can be happy it seems,” I explained.  
Snoke listened intently before responding, “I see. I sensed there was tension between you both.”

“I’ve been having nightmares the past week. I can’t sleep and I’m worried it will affect my training. I don’t want to fail you Supreme Leader.”  
“You were wise to come to me. As your master I only want to keep you on the right path. To guide you and make you the best Sith you can be.”  
“Then tell me what I should do.”  
“Your nightmares, have you considered them to be force visions?”  
“They’re different every time but it always has the same result. I never thought they were anything more than a manifestation of my guilt.”  
“But you have nothing to feel guilty for. She knew what she was getting herself into when she first arrived.”  
“She-"  
“She’s holding you back from your true potential. Here you are worrying about her when you should be focused on our cause, on your training. I excused her influence for too long, she’s done nothing but try to turn you from me, she’s made you weak. She doesn’t see the potential in you like I do.”

I considered his words. She'd made her intentions very clear when she'd come here. To try and bring me back to the light, to the place I used to call home. She didn’t believe I could be better than the Jedi order. The Jedi order was weak, you can’t suppress emotions. Every act is based off an emotion. That’s what made the Sith stronger. Yet I had an emotional connection with her. I loved her; she was the mother of my child.  
“But I love her. I can’t stand the thought of losing her,” I confessed.   
“You already have. You lost her the day you destroyed the temple. She doesn’t love you; she loves a boy who died with Skywalkers temple. You should have killed her the moment she arrived, think of the pain you could have spared her, the pain you can still spare her. She’s become your greatest weakness. Your enemies could use her against you, would you want that?”  
“No.”

“Neither did Darth Malgus that is why he killed his greatest love and his greatest weakness. It made him stronger. Perhaps this is what you must do to become stronger. To truly embrace the dark side, to finally free yourself from the light.”  
It made sense. But I still didn’t know if I could go through with it. Snoke could sense my inner turmoil.  
“But the baby?” I questioned.   
“Another weakness, another trap she set for you.”  
I swallowed hard, fighting back tears. I didn’t want to believe it but how could I not? Everything he was saying made sense.   
“Yes, Supreme Leader. Thank you,” I spoke.   
“I know you'll do the right thing.”  
I nodded and he dismissed me. I got to my feet and exited the room. I didn’t know if I had quite gotten the answer, I wanted from him. I just wish the answer was an easy one. I’d need to give this some thought. 

Could I really go through with killing her? She’d been the first person to comfort me after my parents dumped me on Luke, my first true friend, my first crush, my first and only love. And yet now love seemed out of reach for us, something that not even a child could bring back. She was the last of the padawans, the one I had failed to dispatch. I’d let her become my weakness then, I couldn’t let her be a weakness to me again. If I got rid of her then I would be free from another burden, another tie to my past, another part of the pain I was burdened with. I had to through with it.

\------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I waited for the early hours of the morning when I knew she would be asleep. I wouldn’t have the strength to do it whilst she was awake. I entered what used to be our room, my saber clutched in my fist. She was sleeping peacefully on her side as it was the most comfortable for her. For the first time in a while she seemed content. It was a shame things had to end this way. She could have been so much more. I stepped closer to the foot of the bed, igniting my saber. Her skin glowed red in its light. I swallowed hard, urging myself to do it quick before she awoke. 

_I followed the other padawans through the dark cave. There was hardly any light and it was getting harder to navigate. I was at the back of the group, Cora in front of me. Occasionally she told to watch my step or duck, she was using the force to see any potential dangers ahead. She was using it to look out for me, the others were miles ahead not worrying about us. This was another test that Luke had given us, it would have been easier if we had our sabers to light the way. Part of me wanted to hold her hand and have her lead me through the cave. Holding her hand would be nice. Like her smile and her laugh. And her eyes and her hair. Yeah, I was head over heels for her, it was hard not to be. Yet I couldn’t act upon these feelings no matter how strong they became and that’s something that hurt more than any training wound._

_“Ben,” came his voice._  
_I froze in place. Why? Why was this happening now? Fear gripped my heart like a vice, my blood running cold. Snoke had been speaking to me now through the force for a while, yet I was still afraid of him. He said he was a friend that wanted to help and in some instances, he had but that still didn’t quell my fear every time he did this._   
_“Ben,” his voice came louder this time._   
_I swallowed hard, closing my eyes and taking a deep breath to calm myself. Just go away, please. Just leave me alone. I suddenly became hyper aware of everything, my robes felt too tight, too itchy. My breathing was ragged, my hands were clammy. It was too dark, too confined. I needed to get out. Cora had stopped at this point, but her voice was muffled, like I was underwater._

_I turned and ran, desperately seeking the entrance to the cave. I didn’t care if I failed the training exercise, I didn’t care about my uncle’s disappointment I just needed to get out. I needed the light. I used my hands to navigate the cave walls, not thinking about my feet. I tripped, falling hard on my face. I curled up into a ball, hugging my knees to my chest and I allowed myself to cry. I was struggling to breathe, I felt like I could throw up at any second and my forehead hurt. I was going to die in this cave, that’s what was happening now, what Snoke was doing to me._   
_“Ben,” came a different voice, yet a familiar one._   
_The voice sounded worried, but I was struggling to put a name to the voice. I couldn’t focus. I flinched as I felt small, soft hands on me._   
_“Ben it's me, Cora. You’re okay, just breathe,” she reassured._

_Recognition filled me. Cora. I clung to her like a lifeline, sobbing into her chest. She held me close, stroking my hair and letting me get it out. She waited patiently without an ounce of judgement. The others would snicker and probably joke about it later behind my back. But not her. She knew about Snoke, but I’d made her promise not to tell anyone, she understood my fear. I focused on her breathing to regulate my own, as well as the soft tender touch of hers. I closed my eyes, leaning further into her._  
_“I’m here and I’m not going anywhere. You’re okay, I won’t let anything happen to you,” she continued to reassure._  
_I didn’t need to find the light at the entrance of the cave. I’d found the light I needed from her._

I blinked, quickly coming to my senses. What the fuck was I doing, let alone thinking? I turned my saber off and quickly left the room before she could awaken. I felt disgusting and ashamed of myself. I reached my current room and dropped my saber to the floor, heading for the bathroom. I needed to shower, to wash away the filth of my betrayal. I tore my clothes off with shaking hands and stepped under the cold water. I was breathing heavily, seemingly still in shock with what I was going to do. I started to clean myself vigorously, until my skin was sore and red. How could I ever trust myself around her again? How could I have ever wanted to hurt her? 

I could have made another terrible mistake, killing my father had caused me only more torment and pain. And yet I’d been stupid enough to believe Snokes lies and almost murdering the only light I had left with me. I closed my eyes and focused on my breathing before I could lose control over it. Was I really too far gone that I couldn’t go without trying to kill the only loved ones I had left? I couldn’t trust myself anymore, I had to keep my distance for even longer. And yet all I wanted to do was hold her and tell her how sorry I was. How much I loved her. I wanted to see her smile again like when we were younger, I wanted to run my fingers through her silky hair. And I could have taken that away from myself all because of a lie. Snoke didnt want me to be happy, he’d wanted me to kill Cora, to let the pain consume me. I couldn’t let him have hold of my happiness any longer, I was taking that back.


	6. Chapter 6

Chapter 6

Cora’s P.O.V

It had been three weeks without Ben, I hadn't seen him or even spoken to him. I was starting to feel bad. I was starting to understand that some of things I had said had not been fair, that he was only trying to protect us from Snoke. That’s why I had to be careful and obedient so that I would be allowed to live. I felt the need to apologize, try and fix things a little. He was missing out on so much now, she was kicking almost all the time, she’d even be able to hear him now in the womb. And there was definitely no hiding my bump now. Only three months left, and she’d be here. And there was still so much preparations to be made. I needed him here. It was proving difficult to sleep the whole way through now, I had to sleep on my side so that she wasn’t crushing my spine, however she was now pressing on my bladder a lot. 

I reached out with the force, searching for him. He was close by, his presence seemed to be getting closer. Perhaps he wasn’t as stubborn as I had originally thought. Perhaps he was feeling just as guilty as I was. There was a soft knock on the door, and I knew it was him. I swallowed, suddenly feeling nervous. I opened the door, unsure of his intentions. He looked exhausted again, dark circles under his eyes to show his lack of sleep. He looked about ready to collapse into my arms. We both apologized in unison, I couldn’t help but let out a breathy laugh afterwards. I allowed him inside, closing the door behind him. He wrapped his arms around me with a sense of urgency.   
“I’m so sorry, for everything,” he spoke.   
He sounded so heart broken, so apologetic. I met his gaze, finding tears in his eyes. Now I was starting to become worried. I didn’t think our argument would have eaten away at him like this.

I held him close, stroking his hair to calm him down and reassure him. All he could do was keep apologizing, his voice cracking more every time until eventually he broke down. He clung to me desperately, sobbing into my shoulder. I led him over to the bed so we could sit down, and he wasn’t putting too much weight on me. I cupped his cheeks, holding him at arm’s length whilst I wiped away his tears. He relaxed into my touch, seemingly craving it. I brought him closer, pressing my lips to his. This was the first affection we’d given each other since Starkiller base had fallen. He made a small sound, returning the kiss and running his fingers through my hair. I was brought out of the tender moment as the baby started kicking. I took his hand in mine and brought it to my stomach, letting him feel it. She kicked again and I noticed how his face lit up. I couldn’t let him miss out on any other moments like this. 

“She’s grown so much,” he marvelled at the swelling of my stomach.   
“She’s still got a long way to go.”  
“It feels like it’s gone by so quickly.”  
“Only because you’re not the one having to lug her around,” I smirked.  
He chuckled, rubbing my stomach tenderly. It was a comforting feeling and she was loving the attention. She wouldn’t stop wriggling or kicking. It was probably nice for her to have some affection from someone else for a change. I got myself more comfortable on the bed, sitting up against the headboard with a few pillows under my back. Ben sat next to me, his hand on my stomach as she started kicking again.   
“Why don’t you talk to her?” I suggested.   
He frowned a little, “she can hear me?”  
“Yeah, I sing to her, read to her. She likes it.”

He considered it for a few moments before lying closer to my stomach. He sighed, seemingly still coming up with something. He began to retell the story of the battle of Endor. The tale of how his mother had befriended the Ewoks and gained their trust. How the Ewoks had captured his father and uncle and how they’d seen C3P0 as a god. It was nice to hear him talk about his family in a positive light, especially his mother. I smiled softly to myself, stroking his hair as he continued. Eventually he finished the story, kissing my stomach softly. This was the first time she’d stayed still for a little while, meaning she’d been listening. Of course once he’d finished, she started wiggling again. And I was starting to get hungry. I was getting hungrier more often now that I was eating for two. And the cravings were coming at the stupidest times. Jogan fruit in the middle of the night. I’d ran out last night and had been meaning to venture out to get some more. Ben could sense my discomfort and frowned.

“What is it?” He asked.  
“Nothing to worry about, I’m just hungry. I need to get some more Jogan fruit. I guess she really likes it as its all I’m craving.”  
Ben seemed to relax to know I wasent in any real danger. He lips curled into a smile.   
“My mother craved that when she was pregnant with me,” he explained.  
I returned the smile. He was seemingly more himself at the moment, I knew it wouldn’t last but I would take these small moments whilst I could.   
“I’ll go out and get them, you stay here and relax,” Ben ordered.  
“Okay.”  
He kissed my forehead before leaving. I felt content for the first time in a while. That things were okay for the moment. I rubbed my belly, I could tell she was happy. He returned fifteen minutes later with a large crate of the purple fruit. He set it down and handed me one.

“Don’t you have any duties today?” I asked him.  
“No. Someone else can pick them up for all I care, I just want to be with you and Kendra.”  
He lay back down on the bed, his head next to my belly. I suppose just being close to her comforted him in a way.   
“Can I try something?” He asked.  
“Of course.”  
He gently placed his hand over my bump before closing his eyes. I felt him begin to use the force, as if making his presence known to her. Letting her feel him, get to know him. It was an intimate feeling. One that she seemed to like, which was the main thing. Ben smiled softly. It was likely that Kendra would be a force user when both her parents were, and it was nice that her and Ben were already forming a closer bond.   
“Your going to be the luckiest girl in the world with a mother that’s so patient, beautiful and kind,” he spoke to her. 

I felt my heart swell at his words. He definitely got patient right. I couldn’t help but smile at this, reaching down to stroke his hair.   
“And your going to have a father that’s handsome, brave and a complete goofball,” I responded, “he might not go about things the right way all the time, but he will always love you.”  
Ben laced his free hand with mine, squeezing it gently. He brought my hand to his lips and kissed the skin softly.

\----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Ben and I had gotten back from a day of baby shopping. It had felt amazing to get off this ship after months of being cooped up in same room. It was wonderful to feel the sun and a gentle breeze on my skin again. Ben had made sure I took it easy and that I rested every time I began to look tired. We’d gotten plenty of baby supplies, clothes, diapers, books, toys. It felt like we were finally getting things sorted, it made things less daunting now to know that we were more prepared. We were both in bed now, Ben telling Kendra another story about his mother. This time it was when she’d ran away from home at the age of nine and lived in the woods for a week, apparently is was the best week she’d had as a child. It proved just how rebellious she was even at that age. I yawned, exhausted from todays trip. I hadn't moved that much in a long time. Ben turned the lights off and I rolled over to my side to get myself comfortable. He cuddled me from behind, his hands on my belly and his nose in my hair.   
“It was nice to see you so happy today,” he murmured.  
“It was good to get outside. Thank you.”  
“Perhaps I’ll have to find more ways to make you that happy in the future.”  
“For both of us to be happy.”


	7. Chapter 7

Chapter 7

Ben’s P.O.V

I awoke to my alarm, the sound also disturbing Cora. She made a small sound before getting herself comfortable again. I turned it off and wrapped my arms around her, burying my nose in her hair.   
“You need to get up,” she spoke sleepily.  
“Five more minutes.”  
“I’m not waking you up, you’ll be late.”  
“Oh well.”  
My hands moved down to her stomach, rubbing it gently. She placed her hands over mine, squeezing them softly. Before we had the chance to get more comfortable my holoprojector buzzed signalling an incoming call. I groaned, forcing myself to roll over and accept the holoimage. A small blue image of Hux appeared and I held back another sound of annoyance. 

“You are needed as soon as possible. There have been important developments that The Supreme Leader wishes for you to be apart of,” Hux explained before the image faded.  
Well that was vague. And I could never tell if it was good or bad, Hux’s tone always remained the same, like he was constantly annoyed.   
“Now you really do have to get up,” Cora spoke.  
I forced myself out of the warm, comforting bed and headed to the shower to wake myself up. The cold water did its job and I headed out to get dressed. Cora was already half dressed, her belly looking bigger and fuller and yet there was still time for it to grow. She’d opted to wearing sports bras now as they were more comfortable. I went over to her, kneeling down and kissing the bump. Cora smiled softly as I put my ear to her belly.   
“You might get kicked if you’re not careful,” she laughed.  
That likely meant that Kendra was more lively this morning, which was always a good sign. I gave her belly a final kiss before finishing getting dressed. 

Cora handed me my helmet with a soft smile. I took it from her and kissed her softly. She kissed me back, pressing her forehead against mine. I enjoyed the short tender moment before forcing myself to pull away. I had to leave, find out what Hux wanted. I put the helmet on and left our room, heading for the bridge. Hux was stood by the viewpoint, turning on his heel to face me as I arrived.  
“Your late,” he stated.  
“I’m here. You mentioned there had been developments.”  
Hux’s lips curved into what I guessed was a smirk. It was doubtful anybody had ever seen him smile and even his smirks were more on the sinister side.   
“Yes, we’ve managed to track the resistance fleet through hyperspace. The Supreme Leader deemed it your duty to take them out,” Hux explained.  
“And has my ship been prepared?”  
“Of course, you’ll be accompanied by two other tie fighters. You might be the commander, but you cannot take out an entire fleet.”

My fist clenched as I resisted the urge to choke him. I turned without another work and headed for the ship’s hangar. I climbed inside my tie silencer and the top closed. Only once I had completely privacy did I remove my helmet, it didn’t give me the best view when trying to fly my ship. I started the engines and headed out, following the signal. It didn’t take long to catch the resistance fleet up, or what was left of them. The two tie fighters began to fire at the ship. My thumb hovered over the trigger button, ready to fire. That’s when I felt her presence. My mother was aboard that ship. I didn’t know what to do, fire and kill her too. That way I wouldn’t have another pull to the light. But I’d barely survived the pain of killing my father, I doubt I would survive if I did the same to my mother. She could sense my hesitation, yet she wasn’t afraid that her life was in my hands. She seemed content.   
“Ben,” her voice was in my head.   
I swallowed hard, forcing down my emotions. Before I had a chance to respond one of the tie fighters fired at the ships bridge, cutting our connection abruptly. 

I watched in horror as the ships bridge erupted into flames, the ship wouldn’t survive another attack. My mother had been on that bridge.   
“Mom. Mom, please,” I attempted to reach out to her.   
Silence. I tried again, each attempt sounding more and more desperate. She couldn’t be dead; I couldn’t lose her as well. I wiped my eyes; I could have saved her. I could have ordered the tie fighters to hold their fire but I hadn't. I was just as guilty as the one who fired on the bridge. Her blood was on my hands. Cora would never forgive me after this. In those few seconds it felt like I had truly lost everything. Hux ordered us to come back and I forced myself to turn the silencer around, flying back to the ship. I parked the silencer in its usual spot and sat there for a few moments, debating what to do. I wouldn’t be able to hide this from Cora, she’d know something was wrong, she’d be able to feel it. I put my helmet back on and exited my ship. 

First thing to do was to ‘congratulate’ the pilots. I made an excuse for them to follow me out of the hanger and into the nearest empty room.   
“Which one of you took out the bridge?” I asked.  
The one on the right raised his hand confidently, “that was me Commander,” he sounded proud.  
Proud that he’d murdered my mother. If only I had the time to drag this out and make it as painful as possible. I clenched my fist slowly, cutting off his air supply with the force. The other pilot turned to retreat but I held up my other hand, stopping him dead in his tracks. There was a sickening crack from the right pilot as his windpipe was crushed. I tossed his limp body aside now focusing my rage on the remaining pilot. I drew my saber and swiftly sliced through the pilot’s waist, separating it from his legs. This hadn't been enough, I still felt so much rage, so much hatred. But there was no one left to take it out on other than myself. 

\-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Eventually the rage simmered down to anguish. I exited the room, heading back to my own. I had to face Cora eventually. News spread fast in this ship; it was likely she knew already. I forced myself inside, finding her sat on the edge of the bed, nursing her belly.   
“Your back early,” she spoke.  
She didn’t know yet. And now I had to tell her or otherwise I’d look suspicious. I was done keeping things from her, no matter how hard they were to tell her. I removed my helmet and placed it down. Cora read my expression and frowned.  
“What happened?” She asked, taking on a more sympathetic tone.   
I took a deep breath to stop myself from crying once more. I avoided her gaze, looking anywhere but at her.   
“They killed my mother, Cora,” I managed.  
Cora was so shocked she remained silent. She got up from the bed and came over to me to offer me comfort. She held me tight and stroked my hair. Cora sat me down on the edge of the bed, wiping away my tears. 

I rested my head on her shoulder and when I could finally speak again without becoming an incoherent mess, I told her everything that had happened. She listened without interrupting me, holding my hand the whole time. She still seemed in disbelief; I had expected her to have cried by now. I knew how close she’d been to my mother.   
“Your sure?” Cora asked.  
“How could she have survived that?”  
“Because she's Leia fucking Organa. We have to try and reach out to her using the force. There's the possibility she was in an escape pod. As General she would have been top priority to get to safety. Trust me.”  
Perhaps Cora just didn’t want to believe it. I didn’t either but it was hard not too when I’d seen what I had. But if it finally got her to accept my mother’s death then we could try. Cora and I closed our eyes and focused. 

I could feel Cora’s force presence and energy as well as Kendra’s although understandably it was a lot weaker. We reached out into the cosmos, focusing on the image of my mother. I felt a hint of her presence and chased it. It grew stronger, strong enough to tell us that she was alive. Comatose but alive. And that’s what mattered. Cora was right. We broke the connection, feeling relief. Cora was visibly happy, squeezing my hand. She almost looked like she wanted to say, ‘I told you so’. At this point I wouldn’t have been annoyed if she had. I stared at her in disbelief, she couldn’t have known that my mother was alive, yet she had remained so optimistic. I wish I could do that sometimes.   
“Your mother taught me to always have hope. Its why I came back for you in the first place,” Cora confessed.   
I kissed the back of her hand. She had no idea how grateful I was to have her here. I should show it more. Perhaps then things would get better.


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> TRIGGER WARNING: This chapter features a miscarriage

Chapter 8

Cora’s P.O.V

I was almost seven months pregnant now and I was due for another check-up today to make sure everything was going okay. Ben had made sure to assign the best doctors for these check-ups. My check-up was in a few hours, so I had time to kill. She didn’t seem as lively today, there was still movement from her just not as much as normal. But that shouldn’t be anything to worry about. I rubbed over my belly as if to comfort her. I’d taken to wearing long skirts now as they were more comfortable than pregnancy pants. Most things these days seemed uncomfortable, but I had another month of so of discomfort. Ben and I just wanted her here now, we were fed up with the waiting. It seemed like we were mostly back on track now, we could finally be a mostly happy family. 

A dull pain spread through my lower back and I sighed. Here comes the back pain again. I shifted my weight a little to try and ease it. But it seemed no matter what I did the pain wouldn’t shift. I sighed, standing up and stretching my back a little. As I did that pain shot through my belly. I gasped, clutching my stomach. This wasn’t a normal pain. I breathed deeply, in through the nose and out through the mouth as I got myself together. Do not panic, it could be nothing. But I needed to have my check up now. I exited our room with difficulty, the pain was not making it easy for me to move. It seemed with every passing second that the pain was growing in intensity. I doubled over, whimpering. I just needed to get to the med bay, it wasn’t too far. I could make it. There was a sudden intense damp feeling between my legs. My water couldn’t have broken…unless I was going into early labour. 

I reluctantly felt around that area, my hands coming away bloody. I let out a frightened sob. I pressed one hand to my stomach and leant against the wall for further support. My legs were starting to feel weak and I didn’t know how I was going to carry on. I was too scared, blood wasn’t a good sign, not that much blood anyway. I knew what was happening but I didn’t want to accept it. It just had to be a horrible nightmare and any moment I was going to wake up. The pain increased again, so intense that my legs could no longer support me. I fell on my side. Tears rolled down my cheeks and I was struggling to breathe from the pain. I'd never felt pain like this before and it felt like it would never end. It was all I could feel, all I could think about and focus on. It was completely consuming. 

I couldn’t even call for help, couldn’t cry or scream. I could only lay there, hoping it would end soon. Using the force hadn’t even crossed my mind till now and that would take energy that I didn’t have. I tried focusing on my breathing before propping myself up on my hands and knees. I could feel the blood running down my legs but I pushed the thought to the back of my mind. I forced myself forward, crawling down the corridor and to the elevator. Why was there no storm troopers or officers around, why was it so quiet? If someone would just walk by they could get me help. I barely made it a few feet before collapsing again. This time I screamed, wailed and cried so that perhaps someone would hear me. Please let somebody hear me, I couldn’t take much more of this pain. 

Finally I heard footsteps but the relief was short lived as another wave of pain hit me. I cried out again, getting the attention of none other General Hux and two fearful looking officers. I looked up at him, pleading for help.  
“P-please,” was all I could manage.   
Hux sprang into action, helping me sit upright against the wall. He held my hand and barked orders at the officers. They ran to get more help. I finally noticed just how much blood I had already lost. There was a long trail of blood on the floor, ending where I was sat down now. I never thought I would ever ask or accept help from Hux but here we were. He probably never thought he’d ever give me help like this. In that moment we put our differences aside, what side we were on didn’t matter.   
“Breathe deeply, I’ll get you to the infirmary as soon as I can,” he reassured.   
I nodded, focusing on my breathing once more. Hux continued to try and reassure me, all whilst letting me squeeze his hand. 

Soon the two officers came back with a stretcher but before they could even move me onto it, the pain doubled, tripled. It burned, suffocated, agonized every cell of my body. The scream I let out was banshee like, a sound I didn’t think I was capable of making. It wasn’t just the scream that scared me, it was the force that came with it. Both the officers, the stretcher and Hux were thrown back. I shot Hux an apologetic look as he got to his feet. I could see he was trying his best not to give me his signature glare. Carefully I was moved onto the stretcher and carried through the ship. Hux followed, making sure I was still coherent. My vision started to go black around the edges, my body was finally succumbing to the pain, it couldn’t take anymore. Hux continued to try and keep me talking, keep me awake but it just seemed easier to sleep now. 

I heard someone in the distance, calling my name. They sounded panicked, their footsteps getting louder. Ben came into view, his hand slipping in mine. I focused on him, squeezing his hand in response instead of trying to speak. He was asking too many questions at once, obviously worried about the baby and I. I couldn’t answer them, I couldn’t say anything or do anything to ease his concern. He turned to Hux bombarding him with questions, Hux refrained from being annoyed and answered the best he could. We reached the infirmary and I was soon surrounded by doctors, nurses and droids. I was struggling to keep my eyes open, struggling to remain coherent.   
“I’m not leaving her,” Kylo snapped at a nurse.   
“We have to operate on her, and we can’t have you here where you could potentially get in the way,” the nurse calmly explained. 

I could tell he was determined to stay with me even if he knew he'd get in the way. I wanted to tell him to stop fussing, to let the doctors do what they needed to do but I was too weak to talk. Eventually they convinced him to wait outside, before preparing my body for surgery. I felt the dull sharpness of a needle in my arm but with the pain I was already in, the needle was nothing. There was a mask placed over my nose and mouth, feeding me oxygen as I slowly began to drift off again. This time I let myself give into it. 

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I slowly came too, my vision gradually coming into focus. The next of my sense to come back was touch. I could feel a few needles in my arms, probably drip feeding me vitals. I felt numb, weak…empty. I must have made an audible sound as Ben came into my line of sight, standing up at my side. He gently took my hand in his larger one as if afraid the slightest touch would break me. I was quickly growing more coherent. I studied his face for a few moments, his relief had quickly been replaced with a look I knew all too well. He was afraid to tell me something, his lips pressed together in a thin line as he avoided my gaze. My other hand went to my stomach to comfort Kendra. My belly was no longer swollen, no longer firm with life inside. 

She was gone. Our baby hadn't made it. Tears filled my eyes, quickly running down my cheeks. Ben carefully sat me up before pulling me into his arms. My cries turned into shrieks and wails, loud sobs that racked my whole body. Ben held me close, doing his best to keep his breath even as he fought back tears. I screamed and cried until my voice was hoarse, until I ran out of tears. Until I was just shivering and hiccupping. Ben and I stayed like this for a while, silently comforting each other the best we could. My heart felt broken, a horrible hollow feeling spreading from my chest to my stomach. The emotional pain I felt now was on par with the physical pain I had felt before. Only this pain seemed to have no end in sight.


	9. Chapter 9

Chapter 9

Kylo’s P.O.V

I checked the time, I had a few more hours before I had to meet Cora at the med bay for her seven month check up. Everything was going well; Kendra was healthy and lively. Cora of course was exhausted from all this, she just wanted her out. I wanted her out for different reasons. I was excited for the due date, excited to hold my daughter for the first time. I made my way to the bridge, I wanted to check if they'd found any more survivors from the resistance wreckage. See if my mother had indeed gotten away to safety. I reached the corridor and stopped dead in my tracks. Something was wrong with Cora; I could feel it through our force bond. I took off running in her direction. She let out a scream that made my blood run cold, a scream I never wanted to hear from her again. 

I found a trail of blood before I found her. It was smeared across the floor and the wall as if she'd been crawling. She was being carried away by two officers on a stretcher, Hux was with her. I raced over, calling her name. When I reached them, I took her hand in mine, looking down at her. She was too pale, her eyes now a dull shade of green instead of the usual bright colour. She was weak, barely coherent. She managed to squeeze my hand gently as if to try and reassure me.   
“What happened? Are you alright? Can you hear me? Is the baby okay? Did someone hurt you?” I threw these questions at her, needing some kind of response from her.   
She lay there silently, probably in too much pain to speak. I turned my attention to Hux, asking him mostly the same questions.   
“I don’t know Ren, I found her bleeding and calling for help. I wasn’t going to just leave her there,” Hux answered, refraining from sounding too annoyed. 

We finally reached the infirmary where Cora was taken to a private room and placed down on the bed. Doctors, nurses and droids went to work, hooking her up to the medical equipment. I remained where I was, determined to stay with her. There was no way I was leaving her alone. She needed me. I needed her. I was afraid if I left it would be the last time, I’d see her, that then I would truly be alone.   
“Commander you can’t be in here,” one of the nurses calmly spoke.   
“I’m not leaving her!” I snapped.  
“We have to operate on her, and we can’t have you in here where you could potentially get in the way. I’m sorry.”  
“Ren their right. You have to wait outside.” Hux agreed.  
I glared at him, the last thing I needed was his fucking opinion. He sighed as I continued to stand my ground.  
“The more time you waste the less time they will have to save her. You will wait outside and let them do what they need too,” Hux continued as if lecturing a child.

I hated to admit he was right. I caved and left the room. I waited outside, unable to sit still. I paced back and forth whilst I waited. Hux had taken a seat, his arms folded over his chest and one leg crossed over the over. I should be in there; I should be with her. I was useless out here…or perhaps I was completely useless in this situation and that’s what was bothering me. Or maybe it was the not knowing. I didn’t know what was wrong with her and Kendra, I didn’t know what to do, I didn’t know if both of them would make it. I was terrified. None of it made sense, both of them had been healthy. That amount of blood didn’t made sense, it amazed me how she’d even gotten so far down the corridor when she’d lost so much blood. It struck me as odd as to why Hux was still here with me, why he hadn't gone back to his duties yet.   
“Why are you still here?” I asked him.  
Hux shrugged, “regardless of the sides we’re on she needed my help and I gave it. Please don’t think that I actually care for the pair of you. Plus I feel it would be unwise to leave you alone currently.”

After a few hours of waiting finally a doctor exited the room. I read his expression and felt my stomach drop. He looked fearful to break bad news to me. He knew I’d likely kill him on the spot in my rage. I began to think the worst, I’d lost both of them.   
“Cora survived the surgery but unfortunately there was nothing we could do to save the baby. I’m very sorry commander,” he explained.  
I swallowed hard, doing my best to keep my cool.   
“I want to see her, I want to see my daughter,” I spoke.   
“Ren, I don’t think-“ Hux began.   
I cut him off with the force, choking him and shooting him a warning glare. The doctor looked like he wanted to agree with Hux, but he didn’t want to be the focus of my wrath. I released my hold on Hux as the doctor caved in, holding the door open for me. I entered the room, glancing over at Cora first. 

She was okay, the machine letting out a steady beat to signify her heartbeat. She was sleeping and probably wouldn’t wake up for a few hours. I expected to see a nurse carrying a blanketed bundle but there was none.   
“I want to pre warn you commander, we have no idea what happened, but we’ve never seen something like this before. Are you sure you want to see her?” The doctor asked.   
“I’m sure.”  
He led me to the opposite side of the room where two nurses stood over a portable examine table. I was afraid of what I was going to see, but I had to know. The doctor cleared the room of any medical staff before leaving himself. There on the small metal table lay Kendra. I stepped closer, unable to look away even though I knew I should. My baby had been crushed to death. She was covered in blood and placenta. My legs wanted to give out, my throat was thick as I held back tears. 

Snoke had done this. This hadn't been a miscarriage, this had been murder. This was punishment for my failure to kill Cora. I felt like I should hold her small body, cradle her. I wanted to reach out and have her tiny fingers wrap around one of my larger ones. But I’d never get that. She was never going to grow; I was never going to hear her first words or see her take her first steps. I glanced back at Cora. I couldn’t let her see Kendra like this. It was an image that would haunt me until I died, she didn’t need that as well. I had to make the heartless decision of denying Cora from seeing her daughter, from holding her. I had to spare her from that pain. Kendra’s body would need to be removed and disposed of delicately. We couldn’t even fucking burry our child properly. I turned away from Kendra’s body, I couldn’t bear to look at her anymore. I exited the room, finding the doctor and Hux waiting outside still. Hux seemed weary of my next move, probably afraid I was going to start trashing the place in a fit of rage. I sat down in one of the chairs before my legs could give out on me. Just one more step and I could leave and take a moment for myself. 

“I don’t want Cora to see her like that. If she asks you keep telling her no. In the meantime the body needs to be delicately disposed of,” I forced the words out, somehow managing to keep my tone even.   
“Should we make burial arrangements?” The doctor asked.  
“No. Just get it done.”  
He hurried off to find some nurses that would help him. I forced myself to my feet and headed for the infirmary’s exit. I continued walking down the corridors of the finalizer until I picked a room at random. One of the storage rooms. I locked the door behind me and now that I was alone, I allowed my rage to completely consume me. I destroyed everything in my path and then went to work on the four walls. Eventually I collapsed amongst the wreckage, sobbing aloud. Crates were broken and littered the floor, the contents of each crate completely destroyed. The walls were covered in burn marks from my saber, wires hung loose and broken from the ceiling. Yet it wasent enough, it would never be enough until I killed Snoke. 

Yet if I went to the throne room now, he’d still win. I had to wait until he least suspected it. I had to risk Cora’s life and hope he didn’t try and take her from me again. I had to kneel and pretend everything was fine when it was the complete opposite. I couldn’t help but feel at fault for this situation. If I’d been stronger, if I’d trained harder then maybe Snoke wouldn’t have murdered my child and tried to murder Cora. I never should have gone to him for guidance. I never should have let Cora get so deeply involved, I should have done all I could to keep her safe even if that meant letting her go. This was all my fault. I made her stay here with me, with people that wanted to see her dead, to see her suffer and now one of them had succeeded. I’d been so selfish. So desperate for her love and affection that I didnt think of the pain I could cause her. I grabbed two handfuls of my hair and pulled hard desperate to inflict some kind of pain on myself. I deserved it. There had been so many opportunities for me to let her go, let her be safe and happy but I’d been too narcissistic to do so. 

Eventually I calmed down a little, enough to leave the room and go back to Cora. I had to be there when she woke up, when the news was broken to her that our child had not survived. I sat by her, waiting for her to wake up. I was anxious about telling her but the longer she slept the more that anxiety grew. Finally after a few more hours of waiting, Cora slowly came too. She made a small sound and I got to my feet, so she didn’t have to move. I hesitantly took her hand in mine, making sure to be careful so that I wouldn’t cause her further pain. I didn’t know how I was supposed to tell her, how I could force those words out. She studied me for a little while, trying to read my expression. Her free hand went to her stomach to feel for Kendra. I noticed the way her face dropped as she could no longer feel her. Tears ran down her cheeks silently. I carefully sat her up and pulled her into a hug. I didn’t need to tell her, she knew. Cora sobs grew in volume until she was shrieking hysterically, another sound I didn’t want to hear again. 

I did my best to keep it together for her. I’d had my moment, now she needed hers. I did my best to offer her comfort but didn’t say a word. There wasn’t anything to say, she needed to get through this at her own pace no matter how long it took. Soon enough she was shivering against me, having run out of tears and screams. I stroked her hair, trying to calm her a little.   
“I want to see her,” she whispered.   
Of course she had to request the one thing I’d feared. Now I was going to look completely heartless for denying her this if only to spare her from the haunting image of our daughters’ corpse, spare her from more pain. I didn’t want her pain to be directed at me, I didn’t want her pain to drive a wedge between us once more because then Snoke would have truly won. I held her at arm’s length, trying to remain strong. 

“If the circumstances were different, I wouldn’t deny you that right,” I spoke softly, trying to sound calm.   
Cora looked at me like I’d just struck her across the face, I could feel an argument was heading my way.   
“She’s my fucking child Ben, I want to see her!” She snapped.  
“I’m sorry Cora but you can’t, it’s too much.”  
She glared at me with so much hatred in her eyes that I almost faltered. I almost gave in and gave her what she wanted all so she would stop looking at me like that.   
“Cora, please don’t fight me on this. I saw her and I wish I hadn't, I wish that wasn’t the only mental image of our daughter that I have but it is. And I have to live with that. You’re in enough pain, please don’t put yourself in more.”  
“You know who did this, don’t you? Snoke killed our child Ben, he tried to kill both of us.”  
“I know.”  
“And what have you done about it? Nothing! What will it take before you wake up? Do I have to fucking die?”

I cupped both her cheeks, forcing her to look at me. Forcing her to just stop for a second and think.   
“You really think I’m going to let him get away with this? You really think I haven’t thought about going into that throne room and killing him for what he’s done?” I asked.  
“Then why isn't he dead?”  
“Because he’ll be expecting me. If I kill him Cora, I have to do it when he’s least expecting it, when he’s the least prepared. But I promise you he will not get away with this. I will make him suffer for what he’s done.”  
“If you don’t, I’ll do it myself.”  
I knew that was a promise. She pulled the sheet off herself and sat up properly without the support of the bed. I frowned at her.  
“What are you doing?” I asked.  
“I can’t just sit here; I need to start training again.”  
She swung her legs over the side of the bed and was preparing to stand herself up. I put a hand on her shoulder.

“You need to rest first. You’re still recovering from surgery. You shouldn’t be moving for a while,” I explained, hoping she would back down.  
She didn’t and forced herself up to her feet, making a small sound at the effort. I didn’t want to force her back down and inflict any pain on her, but I did need to stop her from hurting herself. Coras legs were shaking as she reached for me to steady herself. She stumbled as I reached for her. Luckily, I caught her, but I could still see the pain she’d caused herself. She winced, gritting her teeth as she tried to remain quiet. She began to cry again whether it be from the pain or the emotional trauma…perhaps it was both. I gently helped her back into bed where she only seemed to grow more frustrated with her weakness. I understood that frustration, the need to be better, to work through the pain. She’d helped me through those times, now we needed to help each other. I stroked her hair, hoping to try and calm her once more.   
“Please rest. I don’t want you doing more damage to yourself. The more you rest the quicker you’ll heal,” I explained.  
She huffed and rolled on her side, facing away from me out of stubbornness. She knew I was right; she just didn’t want to admit it. I sat back down, staying with her in case she needed me. Or I needed her.


	10. Chapter 10

Chapter 10

Cora’s P.O.V

Four days later I was finally allowed out of the infirmary. Kylo was acting like I was going to collapse at any moment, holding me steady as he led me back to our room. It annoyed me, I wasn't fragile, I wasn’t made of glass. The moment he left I'd be straight down to the training room. I had to get back into shape, I had to be stronger. Once I was ready, I’d kill Snoke myself, Kylo didn’t have it in him. Once I'd killed Snoke I'd leave, I'd find the resistance and I'd never come back. Unless Kylo could show me a drastic change I would be leaving on my own. I had no doubt he loved me, his care over the last few days had shown that and yes, I did still love him but if he didn’t come back to the light, I couldn’t stay here with him. Kylo sat me down on the edge of the bed insisting I rest more. I refrained from shoving him away. I’d done enough fucking resting.   
“Will you be alright if I have to leave you?” He asked.  
“I’ll be fine.”  
“I can ask Chaise to drop in if you’d like. Keep you company when I’m not here.”

I shrugged; she’d stop me from training, so I didn’t really want her company right now. Perhaps later when nobody would lecture me for training. I was determined to do this, and I wasn’t going to let anybody stop me, nor would I let my wounds stop me.   
“What time will you be back?” I asked.   
“I’ll be as quick as I can. I shouldn’t be more than three hours though.”  
Three hours would be enough for me change, workout then come back and shower as if nothing had happened. Kylo kissed the top of my head in a tender manner.   
“I love you, Cora,” he spoke softly.   
I met his gaze, smiling gently, “I love you too.”  
He left the room, going to start his daily duties. I gave it ten minutes before changing into my gym shorts and sports bra. I did my hair up and glanced at my reflection in the mirror. There was nothing I could do to hide the ugly red scar across my belly, that would always be there as a constant reminder of how my baby was taken from me. 

I couldn’t look at it without feeling pure rage towards Snoke. He’d taken Ben from me all those years ago and now he’d taken my child from me. I wouldn’t let him take anything from anybody else. I left our room and headed for the gym. Thankfully it was empty and if any storm troopers did come in here, I'd simple use a simple mind trick on them. I grabbed a floor mat and rolled it out before beginning my usual warm up. I started off with a few simple leg and arm stretches before laying down on the mat and attempting a few sit ups. I made it through the first two with a little difficulty but that was likely because I’d been out of shape for a little while. The third one came with a slight stab of pain across my stomach. I ignored the pain, breathing deeply as I pushed myself to do another one. The pain grew more but I forced a fifth one before taking a short break. I was already growing angrier at how weak this had made me. I couldn’t even do a damn sit up without being in pain. 

I forced myself up, putting the mat away. I picked out a treadmill and started off with a brisk walking pace. This wasn’t so bad; this I could handle. I slowly increased the speed until I was running. There was a little pain but it hadn't been as bad as the sit ups. I continued, ignoring the pain and pressing on. After half an hour of running I slowed down to a walk before turning off the treadmill. I could already feel the usual aches and pains setting into my thighs and stomach muscles. But that ache was good, that meant it was working. I was feeling better, having done some proper exercise after such a long time. I had the confidence and drive to do some more floor work and pulled out the mat again. I lay down and put my hands behind my head. I took a deep breath and began a set of stomach crunches. Pain instantly flared through my belly but this time I was more determined than ever to fight through the pain. I grit my teeth and pushed through it. I was not going to let this weaken me further. I needed to be stronger, strong enough to defeat Snoke at least. 

Eventually the pain turned to a throbbing and fatigue was starting to set in. I reached twenty and finally stopped. I lay there a few moments catching my breath and trying not to focus on the pain, but it wasn’t going away. I pressed my hand to my stomach as if to try and soothe the ache only for my hand to come into contact with something warm and wet. Blood. For a small moment I felt fear, was this Snokes second attempt on my life? I shook the thoughts away and looked down to find that I had tore open some of my stitches. Fuck. Kylo was going to livid when he found out. If he found out. I just needed to get myself to the infirmary, get my stitches redone and he wouldn’t be the wiser. I forced myself to my feet, clutching at my bleeding stomach. This pain was nothing, this pain I could handle. I had to. I staggered to the door, fighting to keep my breathing even. I headed for the infirmary, taking it easy and hoping these corridors would remain empty. Luck was not on my side. I crossed paths with the one person I didn’t want too. Kylo. He saw me clutching at my wounds, he saw the blood, the clothes I was wearing. He knew.

I could see the anger flash across his features and braced myself for a temper tantrum. He took hold of me by my arms.  
“What have you done?” He snapped.  
I avoided his gaze, swallowing thickly as I fought off tears. His grip on my arms softened a little at this before his picked me up and carried me to the infirmary. Neither of us said a word, this was going to a conversation or more likely an argument we had later. The second we set foot in the infirmary doctors and nurses were by my side once more. I avoided any of their questions, their eye contact. I just wanted this over with, this shame and humiliation. Kylo placed me down on a bed, remaining by my side. This time he wasn’t going to budge, he wanted to keep an eye on me to make sure I didn’t do anything else that might piss him off. My stitches were cleaned before I was given something to numb the pain. The doctor re-stitched the areas that had tore open before putting some bacta over them to help them heal faster. He also added a dressing to keep it clean. The doctor didn’t bother to lecture me, he knew Kylo would do that when we were alone. 

The doctor gave me the all clear, meaning we could leave. Kylo waited till I was off the bed before wrapping his hand around my wrist and marching me out of the infirmary. I didn’t protest or struggle, there was no point. Once in the safety of our room, I attempted to retreat to the bathroom to take a shower, to try and avoid this conversation more. But he wasn’t having it. He followed me, calling after me.   
“Cora! Do not walk away from me! Tell me what the fuck you were thinking going out and hurting yourself like that,” he snapped.  
“I didn’t mean to push myself that far.”  
“Bullshit!”  
I went to turn the shower on only for him to grab my wrist and pull me back. I turned to look at him with a soft sigh. He features didn’t soften at all; he was still furious. And he had the right to be. I shouldn’t have pushed myself that far.   
“You only just got out of in the infirmary, you know you should be resting,” he spoke.   
“He killed our fucking baby Ben and you expect me to just rest!? To just let him get away with it? No. He doesn’t get to take you from me and take my child.”  
“I am not losing you as well Cora, this stops tonight.”  
“You don’t get a fucking say-“  
“I do. Because I care about you, because I’m terrified of losing you again only this time it would be for good. Everything I have done is to protect you from him!”

It was my turn to call bullshit, “running away and joining a bunch of murderers was to protect me?”  
“I do what he tells me because I know it will keep you safe. If I fail him, he will use you against me. I have protected you from him and others since day one.”  
“Since we were children?” I couldn’t help but laugh at the ridiculousness, he couldn’t be that deluded, “the only danger around me as a padawan was you! You were the one who destroyed the temple whilst I was still inside, you were the one who tried to hunt me down after I escaped! Not him, you!”  
Rage was radiating off him in waves, his fists clenched as if he was ready to strike at a moments notice. He took a deep breath to calm himself, to stop himself from lashing out. Instead he grabbed my wrist and pressed his forehead to mine. He was using our force bond to show me his memories of that night. I saw the Jedi temple being destroyed but not by Ben. Ben could only watch in horror as our home crumbled and burned before him. 

The memory changed to later that night where he’d found Luke and I. Ben had felt relief seeing me alive.   
“When I found you with him, I wanted you to come with me. To join me, it was the only way Snoke would have allowed you to live,” Ben explained.  
“But the temple?” I asked.  
“Snoke destroyed it. I knew you were in there and I wanted to run in there and rescue you, but I couldn’t. I have always protected you from him when I could. You were the only person who ever just saw me as Ben. You didn’t see me as a legacy like everyone else,” his voice cracked a little, tears in his eyes.   
I reached out for him, taking him in my arms. I hated myself for believing these lies for so many years, I should have known Ben would never have done any of those things.   
“I’m so sorry. I’m sorry I didn’t believe you, I’m sorry I held that against you for all these years,” I apologized.  
I stroked his hair as he buried his face in my neck to comfort him. It must be relieving for someone to finally know the truth, to finally believe him. 

“Your everything to me, you always have been, and you always will. I can’t lose you Cora. Please,” he pleaded with me to stop.   
“Okay. I’ll stop.”  
“I know all you feel is anger towards him, I understand everything your feeling because I’ve been down that route for years and I let it destroy me. I can’t let it destroy you too.”  
“It won’t,” I reassured him.  
“Snoke will die, I swear it. But we have to take precautions.”  
I nodded my understanding. Now more than ever I believed him.


	11. Chapter 11

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This chapters a lil shorter than normal, sorry about that

Chapter 11 

Kylo’s P.O.V

Cora still believed that she was the one who was going to kill Snoke, when it comes down to it. I’d let her believe that for now. But in the end, I would be the one to go through with it. It would be easier for me, I’d killed before. Cora on the other hand was still innocent in that regard and I wanted it to stay that way. If she took his life, she’d eventually have it eat away at her. She was already straying down a dark path; I wouldn’t let her take it any further. But I needed help with that. She was doing as I asked for now, but I knew eventually she would try and push the boundary again. Now her stitches had fully healed I’d had no choice but to allow her to train and work out again. I couldn’t keep her locked up in our bedroom, but I had made sure Chaise was checking up on her regularly when I wasn’t able. Now I just needed one more person on board. One of the few people Cora would actually listen too. 

I entered the room Varidun was being held in with hesitancy. He was the last person I would have thought to ever turn to for help. I felt partially to blame for him being here and the things that had been done to him. I could have let him go that night, not handed him over to Snoke for what probably felt like a lifetime of torture and pain. The door slid closed behind me, the only light coming from the medical equipment and the single beam of light that was trained on Varidun. I forced myself forward until I was in his line of sight. He remained still, glaring at me with the one eye he had left.  
“I know I’m the last person you want to see. But I need your help. Cora needs your help,” I stated.  
I reached over to the I.V drips, turning each of them down a little bit. It wasn’t a noticeable amount but it would slow the drugs just enough for Varidun to slowly regain his control of the force. 

The one thing he did need was pain relief and Cora had been given more than she needed. She wouldn't notice a few missing and she wouldn't mind them going to Varidun if she knew anyway. I found an empty syringe and made sure it was clean before filling it with the pain relief.  
“This will help with the pain, I know she'd want you to have it,” I explained.  
He had no reason to trust me, but he also currently had no means of fighting back. I injected him with the solution before disposing off the syringe and needle. It wouldn’t work immediately, not with his much pain he'd been in for so long but it would be a start. 

Eventually Varidun seemed more coherent and less in pain. His fingers twitched a little and he turned his head a little.  
“Don’t try to talk, I can’t have Snoke find out about this. From now on once a day I will give you more pain relief and slow the I.V more until your strong enough to escape on your own. But Cora will need you once Snoke has been dealt with. She’s straying towards the dark and I feel you'll be the only person she listens to,” I explained.  
He'd found the light before through her and Luke, he had to help her find the light if I couldn’t. I knew I'd have him on board if not for my sake but for Cora's. I'd said all I needed too for now and hastily left before I could be caught.


	12. Chapter 12

Chapter 12

Cora’s P.O.V

Chaise and I had been over the plan a few times, I was surprised to have her on board. But she respected my wishes of wanting to leave. I mean I’d have too after killing Snoke, there was no way the people on The Supremacy would allow me to live. Kylo wouldn’t be back for another hour, although a part of me wished it was longer. I always did my best to avoid him now, so we’d avoid talking about the baby situation. I wasn’t ready yet, I didn’t want to open the floodgates to that pain. It was hard enough to not think about it when there were so many reminders around our quarters. I’d thrown a sheet over the crib a few days ago, unable to look at it anymore. But there was still her clothes and bottles lying around. I hated the empty feeling in my stomach, I missed the comfort of knowing she was there, feeling her moving around inside me.

I opened the wardrobe, confronting the tiny clothes that hung there. I swallowed thickly, fighting back tears. I pulled one of the baby grows off its hanger and held it close. The tears spilled free. I hated this ache in my chest, this hollow, empty feeling. I longed to feel numb, to feel something other than pain. I still resented Kylo for not allowing me to see our baby, for not allowing a proper burial. It just wasn’t fair. I couldn’t pretend that she’d never existed. I couldn’t cope when he’d not allowed me closure. If I’d been allowed to say goodbye, then perhaps things would be different. Perhaps I’d be able to see an end to this pain. He said he’d done it spare me from the pain, but it had just made the whole process more difficult. I didn’t bother to hang the baby grow back up, instead dumping it at the bottom of the wardrobe where it would be hidden for a little while. 

I climbed into bed and rolled over on to my side, closing my eyes and preparing for sleep. I heard the door open, feeling his presence before he even stepped into the room. I remained silent, hoping sleep would come quicker. He stepped into the room, the door closing behind him. His footsteps continued round to his side of the bed before the mattress sunk under his weight. He sighed before I could hear him undressing himself. Once undressed he slipped under the sheets with me, laying on his back. He shifted slightly, probably getting more comfortable. I just hoped he thought I was asleep. I knew I couldn’t continue to avoid him forever, but I'd keep it up as long as I could. He rolled onto his side, now facing me but still keeping his distance.  
“Cora? Are you awake?” He asked just above a whisper.

I remained silent, my eyes shutting tighter in the hopes sleep would come sooner. He sighed once more before I felt him invade my mind. I fisted the bed sheets, more out of annoyance than anything. I don’t want to talk to you, leave me alone.  
“Please,” he pleaded.  
_“I can’t.”_  
Talking through our force connection was easier than actual words. I knew I would cry the moment I opened my mouth to speak.  
_“So, we're not going to talk about what happened to our child? We're not going to try and get through this together?”_ He continued to press.  
I remained quiet, an unbearable pain filling my chest once more. I instinctively placed a hand over my stomach, willing myself not to cry. I hadn’t realised he'd shifted closer until I felt his own hand on my stomach. I shivered under his touch, this being the first psychical contact between us in weeks. 

I rolled over to face him this time, unable to hold back my tears. He cupped my cheek, wiping away my tears with his thumb.  
“I can’t bear to see you like this,” he spoke softly.  
He leaned forward pressing his lips to mine. I tangled my fingers in his hair, returning the kiss with the same want and need. He groaned at the contact, pulling me as close as he could, he needed all the contact he could get. I needed it too, it would be a much-welcomed distraction from the pain. Kylo pulled me on top of him, my body flush against his. His arms wrapped around me as he continued to kiss me. His hands were on my back, slipping beneath my shirt for skin on skin contact. I was breathless, my skin hot under his touch yet it wasn’t enough. I needed so much more. I straddled him, feeling that he was fully rock hard beneath me. His hands moved down to my rear, squeezing the plump flesh. His hips bucked against mine for more. I could see how badly he needed this, the desperation was clear in his eyes and the sounds he was making. 

I leaned down, kissing him once more. Kylo pulled my shirt off, tossing it aside before his hands were on me again. My body was so responsive to him, practically aching for more. I moaned softly, my fingers ghosting over his chest. He twitched and quivered under my hold. I bet he was throbbing, the thought made me bite my lip. I shifted into a position where I could easily take my panties off, whilst he quickly pulled his boxers down. His cock pressed against his stomach, the head leaking precum. I kissed and nipped at his neck, whilst his large hands grabbed at my hips so he could rut against me frantically. He was trembling, struggling to hold it together now. I nibbled his ear lobe, causing him to curse aloud.  
“P-please,” he begged, “more.”  
Kylo sat up a little against the headboard and took one of my breasts in his mouth eagerly sucking and nipping at my hardened nub. He groaned as if happy to have me in his mouth again. His arm wrapped around me to hold me in place whilst he took his fill.

I gasped, my nails raking across his scalp earning another needy moan from him. I reached between us, lining myself up with his cock. He met my gaze, looking up at me like I was the most desired woman in the entire galaxy. I sunk down onto his cock slowly, both of us moaning at the missed contact. Kylo was fisting the bedsheets, his jaw clenched as he did his best to hold it together. I’d missed the stretch of his cock inside me, the fullness of it. I took his hands and placed them on my hips before I started a slow pace. Kylo gripped my hips hard enough that I’d likely have bruises in the morning. I rolled my hips against him, revelling in how deep he was. He bucked against me, warmth spreading deep in my belly. I braced my hands on his broad chest as I picked up the pace. Every drag of his cock against my walls was heavenly, but I still needed more. I needed everything he could give me. 

He matched my pace, using my hips to press me down further onto his cock like he wasn’t deep enough already. My nails left red trails across his pale chest as the pleasure continued to build. Kylo let out a shaky moan as I continued to mark him up, he’d always cave when pain was involved. I didn’t know how much longer I was going to last; it was a surprise that Kylo had lasted so long with how needy he was being. His head was thrown back against the pillows and the headboard as he watched me continue to ride him. He reached between us, rubbing my clit and hurtling me closer to completion. My body greedily accepted the pleasure as I moaned his name. All I could do was sigh and whine as he continued to pull me apart with his touch. The pleasure soon reached its peak, spreading to every part of me as I cried out my release. Kylo reached his seconds after mine, his thrusts becoming harder, sloppier as he chased his own orgasm. He held me close as he filled me with his seed, his groans loud and deep in his throat. 

Kylo slipped out of me before I was laying flush on top of him, enjoying the closeness and his warmth. He stroked my hair as we came down from our highs. I could feel myself already coming down, but I was going to fight it off as long as I could. I craned my neck to kiss him again. He accepted the kiss, seemingly still just as hungry for it as I was. Good.


	13. Chapter 13

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I hate writing fight scenes okay

Chapter 13

Kylo’s P.O.V

I entered the throne room, taking into account the positions of Snokes guards. Two of them were outside the throne room doors to bar entry to those not worthy, two stood inside by the doors for another layer of security. The other four were by his throne, two on either side. I kneeled before him. This would be the last time I kneeled. The last time I would let someone rule over me. It was sith tradition that the apprentice kills their master. And I was done playing apprentice. I was done taking the blame for his actions. I was done letting him take from me. I continued to act the part, bowing my head in respect.   
“It has been a while. I hope that you are returning in full form, I hope that there are no more distractions with your training,” Snoke remarked.  
I was slightly surprised that he hadn't tried to hide what he’d done with more lies, that he hadn't given me fake condolences. He was honest about his disapproval. That was going to make this easier.   
“I can assure you Supreme Leader that I am all out of distractions. In fact I’ve never been thinking so clearly, the path ahead for me is a clear one,” I replied.

Snoke sat forward in his throne, seemingly interested, for once. Perhaps he hadn't expected me to be so confident, perhaps he was a bigger fool than I had thought. It wouldn’t matter for much longer.   
“Oh? And tell me, what path do you see for yourself?” He asked curiously.  
“Victory.”  
Snoke smiled crookedly. I rose from my kneeling position, stepping closer to him.   
“I’d allowed myself to be blinded by lies and false promises for too long and I’d let it destroy my true potential,” I continued.  
“It pleases me that you finally see what she was doing to you.”  
I smiled, “no. not her,” I ignited my saber and forced it through his chest, “you. Cora was never a weakness. She’s my strength.”  
I used the force to buy me time with Snokes guards. They wouldn’t make a move now until I allowed them. And I was going to have a big fight on my hands.

The life drained from Snokes eyes and his body went limp. I was finally free of the man who had tormented me since I was a child. A man who had destroyed my former self. It felt liberating. I pulled my saber from him, unable to keep my hold on his guards any longer. Six of them advanced on me, weapons drawn. I was surrounded. But I’d trained with them many times before, I knew each one’s strengths and weaknesses. Instead of charging in head first like I usually would, I waited, seeing which one of them would make the first move. The one with the spear charged at me. I dodged the attack easily, cutting through his torso as he passed. The others sprang into action, advancing on me at full force. I blocked a series of attacks, using my strength to push them back. Three of them came at me again and I focused on the middle one. I ducked low, throwing myself between the guards’ legs and slicing through them with my saber. Whilst I had dispatched another, I had left myself in a more vulnerable position, which the guard carrying the Bilari electro-chain whip took advantage of. 

The chain wrapped around my ankle and pulled me forward. Another guard swung down with their blade, which I managed to block in time. Another attempted the same move and I threw my weight to the side in an attempt to dodge. The electro-bisento sliced the flesh of my upper arm but it wasn’t a major wound I needed to worry about. The chain wielding guard had me by his feet now, kicking me hard in the side. I grunted from the pain, using the force to throw him back into the wall. I kicked my leg free of the whip, starting to get my feet before I had to block another overhead attack. The guard and I pushed against each other’s strength before I kicked out his feet from under him. As he fell to the ground, I impaled his chest. I forced myself up, ignoring the pain I felt in my side and arm. I had to keep going, one wrong move and all of this would have been for nothing. 

The next guard advanced on me, splitting his bladed staff into two. I jumped back as he slashed at my stomach, the blade snagging on my clothes but thankfully not my skin. Our weapons met in the middle and the guard headbutted me. I stepped back, dazed by the move for a few moments. Those helmets were indeed as hard as they looked. Another guard took this time to slash my calf and I almost lost my footing from the pain. The double bladed guard advanced on me; his blades poised to decapitate me. I blocked both with my saber and kicked him back. He left himself open as he staggered back, and I took his head off his shoulders with a quick slash. I heard footsteps behind me and rotated my saber, thrusting it behind me and taking out another. One left. I used the force to pull him closer, pull him into my blade. The room was a wreck, glass smashed, scratches and cracks in the floor and wall. I smelt burning from somewhere in the room, but I didn’t worry about it. The floor was littered with bodies. 

I breathed heavily as I could finally rest. I extinguished my saber and turned to the throne. Snokes body had since fallen from it, sprawled awkwardly on the floor. The throne was mine now, the role of Supreme Leader was mine. Everything was mine. And I would make the galaxy mine too. I would rule it with Cora at my side. I had everything I could have ever dreamed of and nobody would take it from me. I had gotten my victory, finally.


	14. Chapter 14

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This is the last chapter, thank you to everyone who left kudos, bookmarks ect. The third and final fic will be coming very soon.

Chapter 14

Cora’s P.O.V

I neared the throne room, determined to finally end this. To finally avenge my child. The two red guards that waited outside didn’t look like they were going to let me inside. I was going to kill Snoke and anybody that stood in my way. I pinned the first one against the wall using the force and drew my saber. The other guard prepared himself for a fight, pointing his weapon at me. If I had been in this situation a year ago, I would have felt anxious, I would have likely backed down. Not now. Not anymore. I ignited my saber and advanced on the guard, our weapons clashing. He would likely win the battle of strength but not agility. I let him push me back, let him think he was winning. I backed off completely, letting him come at me before going for an overhead swing. I might be shorter but that didn’t mean shit right now. I eventually disarmed the guard not that it did much to deter him. He came at me again, aiming low to try and pin me to the wall by my midsection. I dodged his charge before forcing my saber through his back. I turned to the other one who was still pinned to the wall. 

He was still struggling, not that it would do him any good. I clenched my fist, the force clenching around the guard’s throat and windpipe until eventually it was crushed with a crunch. I released my hold of the force, the guard’s corpse dropping to the floor with a loud bang. Did I feel regret or remorse? Not at all. It felt righteous. The doors to the throne room opened and I headed inside, saber at the ready. I didn’t expect Snoke to go down without a fight. However the room was not in the state I had expected. The First Order banners were burning, some of the glass panels had been smashed, the walls and floors with scratched and cracked. The floor was littered with the bodies and limbs of Snokes elite guard as well as Snoke himself. And in the middle of them all stood Kylo covered in grime, sweat and blood. He was panting, likely having just finished dispatching the guards. He looked like a wild animal, ready to strike at the next person who came near him. I looked at Snokes corpse once more, then back to Kylo. 

Kylo met my gaze, trying to read my expression. He smiled softly, his eyes telling me he was seeking praise for what he had done. There was no praise to give. He taken killing Snoke from me. Something that had been my right. He’d lied to me. He’d gone behind me back and done what I should have. I felt nothing but rage, pure burning fiery rage. Kylo’s smile faded as he took in my expression.   
“I did it for you,” he explained.  
“You lied to me! It was my right to kill him not yours!” I shrieked.   
Kylo remained composed, now offering me his hand. I glanced at it before back at him. I couldn’t look more disgusted.  
“Please understand why I did it for you. You wouldn’t be able to live yourself if you went through with it-“  
“That’s not your decision to make! You don’t get to take that right away from me!”  
“He’s gone now. And I won’t let anybody hurt you ever again. You have my word on that. The galaxy is ours now to do what we will with it. Rule by my side as my empress.”

I didn’t want the galaxy; I didn’t want a throne or a title. I wanted my vengeance. I advanced on him, Kylo standing his ground. He didn’t think I was going to hurt him because of our history. Fuck our history. Fuck Kylo Ren. Fuck The First Order. Fuck it all. I slashed at him and only then did he jump back in surprise.   
“I don’t want to fight you Cora,” he tried to reason.  
I growled, I wanted to destroy him. He was going to fight me eventually; he had no choice if he wanted to live. I wasn’t planning on stopping until one of us were dead. I kicked his saber over to him.   
“Pick it up!” I spat.   
“No.”  
I advanced on him again and this time I saw the fear in his eyes. This time he picked it up, igniting it and blocking my attack. I was able to easily push him back, preparing my next attack. 

He blocked the next one and the next and the one after. But he made no move to retaliate. This only fuelled my anger towards him. He wasn’t going to fight me, he was just going to stand there and hope that I came to my senses, hope that I got all my anger out on him. Not a chance. I elbowed him hard in the ribs, winding him momentarily.   
“If you give into your anger Cora your letting him win,” Kylo spoke.   
He was obviously referring to Snoke. Snoke had already won by taking our child from us. I went for a low attack this time, Kylo’s saber coming down to block the attack. He pushed back, disarming me. He stood back, expecting it to be over. It wasn’t over. I ran at him with full force and lunged. It was clear with the look on his face that he hadn't been expecting that. He extinguished his saber and made a move to try and catch me, to try and break the fall. I put all my weight on him, to keep him down whilst I assaulted him with my fists. He grabbed my wrists and rolled us over with ease. I thrashed against him, kicking at him. My rage was palpable. 

I’d split his lip and his nose was bleeding but if he’d noticed he wasn’t bothered. Its like my hits were nothing to him, they weren’t hard enough. He pinned my wrists to my side and sat on my legs to stop me kicking.   
“Just stop!” He pleaded.  
Tears spilled over my cheeks in frustration. Kylo loosened his grip on me likely from sympathy. His mistake. I used the force to throw him off me before I got to my feet. I used the force to root him in place on the floor. I could feel his attempts at trying to fight back but for once he wasn’t strong enough and that scared him. He was completely at my mercy. I picked up his saber, igniting it. It felt heavy in my hands but not uncomfortable, not wrong and alien.   
“Cora think about what your doing, please,” he attempted to reason with me again.   
“Enough!”

I stood over him, ready to destroy him with his own weapon. I felt another force presence, a familiar one but I couldn’t work out who it was.   
_“Cora. Stop,”_ came Varidun’s voice in my head.   
Varidun? I suppose now Snoke was dead he was free.   
_“Put it down. Think about the consequences of your actions.”_  
I lowered the weapon but didn’t release my hold on Kylo. I couldn’t just let him get away with this. He’d proved he was nothing but a liar and a murderer. And I’d ran out of sympathy, of empathy. As I raised the saber again the ship suddenly lurched hard, throwing me completely off balance. There was a bright flash of light, before the silence was replaced by the ships alarm wailing. The ship had been hit and hard. It would likely go down with everyone on board. Kylo offered me his hand to help me up. I glared up at him, refusing to take it.   
“I just want you by my side, that’s all I’ve ever wanted,” Kylo spoke softly.  
“And yet all you do is bring out the worst in me,” I said venomously. 

The ship lurched again, throwing Kylo off balance. I scrambled to my feet, bolting for the exit of the throne room. I used the force to call my saber to my hand. I was going to have to hope the next part of the plan didn’t fail now that everyone would likely be scrambling to small ships and escape pods. Chaise was waiting for me by the escape pods, making sure it was prepared and empty.   
_“You think I’m going to just let you go! You think you can run from me after everything I've done for you!”_ Kylo roared.   
I clutched my head from the pain. If he wasn’t angry because I tried to kill him, he was definitely angry now for leaving him. He’d be coming, doing everything he could to stop me.   
“He’s coming,” I whispered.  
“Then go,” Chaise urged.   
“What about you?”   
“We don’t have time to worry about me.”

Chaise was practically forcing me into the hatch of the escape pod as she spoke. I dug my heels into the floor, whilst this had been a part of the plan now it just didn’t seem right to leave her behind.   
“Come with me,” I offered.   
If she stayed behind, I had no doubt that Kylo would kill her. She shook her head, fighting back tears.  
“My place has always been here,” she explained.  
I tried to argue with her, tried to reason with her but she wasn’t listening as she continued to shove me into the pod. The door closed between us and she pressed the button that jettisoned the pod. The small ship detached from the vessel and Chaise watched me leave through the small glass window. I noticed the glowing red hue that was glowing closer and there was nothing I could to stop it. My heart hammered against my chest as I watched him get closer. Chaise seemed to have accepted her fate, not attempting to run or fight. 

Kylo forced the angry red blade through her with no remorse, her body crumpling out of sight. I screamed, hammering my fists against the glass wishing the glass was his face.   
_“It's your fault she's dead Cora. If you hadn't run from me she’d still be alive,”_ Kylo explained.  
He was going to try and pin that one me? I couldn’t believe the nerve he had. I felt the ship slow before eventually it came to a stop. I froze, unsure what was happening. I wasn’t even near enough to being safely away yet. There was no way another vessel could have picked me up. The ship lurched and started slowly return to the Supremacy. This was Kylo’s doing, he was using the force to try and bring me back. He really was determined to keep me by his side whether I was willing or not. I growled and turned to the controls, putting the thrusters on full and turning on auto pilot. It wouldn’t enough to get away, but it would a help. I fought against his use of the force with my own.

The ship stopped once again, torn between the both of us. I could see he was struggling but he continued to put more effort in. I closed my eyes, focusing on the force around me, flowing through me. It was everywhere like I’d been told as a child. And it was mine to manipulate and use to my advantage. The pod gave a little, heading back out into the vastness of space. The power struggle continued between Kylo and I and it was growing more difficult to keep going. I cried out, putting everything I had into it. I’d never had to use the force like this before or to this level and it was exhausting. I felt a trickle of blood come from my nose but carried on. Finally I overpowered him, sending the ship back in the correct direction. I slumped in the chair, exhausted. In a matter of seconds I was unconscious.

\------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

It was a few weeks before I found the resistance. As far as I knew Leia was still in a coma and the members were now few and far between. I parked the speeder I’d borrowed on the outskirts of the camp. I didn’t want to barrel in there and freak anybody out. I hopped down and pressed forward. I crossed the threshold, making my way to the centre. Hopefully I would find Poe or someone I knew. Someone friendly. Someone who wouldn’t judge me for the poor decisions I’d made. I knew people were staring, I could feel it. Poe was stood over a map covered table with a bunch of other members. Their conversation cut short as I approached, Poe was the only who kept talking having not noticed me yet. Typical. Eventually he noticed nobody was paying attention to him and met my gaze. His face lit up, practically beaming as he saw me. He came around and pulled me into a hug, which I gratefully accepted.   
“Where’s Leia?” I asked.  
“She’s resting, not that she's happy about it.”

I managed a smile, that sounded like her. At least she was awake and safe. Poe led me into her tent where Leia was on her feet, reading a holocron. She looked up at me with such hope in her eyes. Oh. She’d expected me to come back Ben. But I’d failed. I swallowed thickly, trying to hold back tears. Leia took my hands in hers, squeezing them.   
“Your back. And that’s just as important to me,” she reassured.  
“I’m sorry. I’m sorry I failed you.”  
My knees were weak, and I almost collapsed before her, but Poe caught me, keeping a comforting hand on my shoulder.  
Leia cupped my cheek offering comfort in a way only a mother could, “you haven’t failed. You came home, where you belong.”


End file.
